daf: (quotes)
INTERPOL SPECIAL INVESTIGATION UNIT.
MR. RONALD K. NOBLE & ASSOCIATE
ADDRESS: Marsham Street 2. SW1P 4DF. London. United Kingdom
Email: interpolagent@yahoo.cn


I am Mr Ronald K. Noble, The Interpol Director; After proper investigations, we discovered that your impending payment that have been withheld by imposters, claiming to be Joseph Roland Djotie, Professor Charles Soludo (Governor of the Central bank of Nigeria), Mr. Patrick Aziza, Keneth Ogini, RICK EDO WESTERN UNION OFFICE BENIN REPUBLIC Joel Mathew FedEx Benin, Mr. Frank Nweke, None existing officials of the Oceanic Bank of Nigeria and Zenith Bank, UK winning Lottery, Andy Lear of Hsbc bank, Coca-Cola winning lottery and among a list of others is now under our custody with the help of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) and the Local Police Force.

Investigations revealed that you have spent a lot on your personal earned money just to conclude the successful transfer of your funds to your nominated bank account by obtaining transfer documents as requested by the imposters, costing you a lot of money but all to no avail.

The Interpol had to send some financial crime investigators from our head quarters in United Kingdom to Africa in other to carry out proper investigation, after receiving series of other reports similar to yours as you are not the only person awaiting the legal transfer of funds from Africa. The Interpol has given authority to the International Monetary Funds (IMF) to assist the Federal Ministry of Finance and all the organization involved; such as the Central Bank, Zenith Bank, and Legit lottery organizations to immediately commence with the compensation of all the beneficiaries awaiting the successful transfer of their funds.

With the help of some of the best Internet investigators attached to the FBI, we traced your information from the Internet as one of the beneficiaries awaiting the successful transfer of his funds. I am pleased to inform you that a meeting was held as regards the best way to carry out with the compensation exercise for transparency and most especially to avoid re-occurrence of the delay in getting your funds and the high cost of procuring transfer documents and came to a final conclusion as all head of organizations involved was duly represented.

After the meeting conclusion, a sum of $6.5Million United States Dollars was approved for release to you, and since alot of this corruption has been coming from Africa and London, we have decided to move the compensation payment office to Malaysia, meanwhile you will be receiving your funds from Malaysia. The funds was approved to be issued to you as a ATM MasterCard, because we have calculated the stress in allowing you to claim the funds by BANK TO BANK WIRE TRANSFER, so instead of the bank transferring the funds to your account direct, we have advised the bank to open an ATM account for you and you will be issued a ATM MasterCard for the withdrawal of your funds daily from any nearest ATM Machine to you.

The ATM account has been credited with the approved Six Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars, And your daily withdrawal with the ATM MasterCard from any ATM Machine is $25,000.00USD per day but you can only withdraw $1000 per transaction but you have the privilege to make withdrawal twenty five times a day which make it equivalent of $25,000USD per day, the daily withdrawal has been programmed.The ATM MasterCard has been packaged to be delivered to your door step via express courier delivery service.

Contact Agent Hilary M. Kieffer {Our Interpol ATM Rep.} at the ATM PAYMENT CENTER and reconfirm your delivery information as stated below and your security code with five digit (88808) number has to be submitted alongside with your delivery information for security reasons.

DELIVERY INFORMATION REQUESTED
FULL NAME:
HOME ADDRESS:
TELL:
CELL:
CURRENT OCCUPATION:
BANK NAME:
AGE:
==========CONTACT INFORMATION===========
AGENT NAME: Mr. Hilary M. Kieffer
EMAIL: interpolagent@yahoo.cn
==========CONTACT INFORMATION===========

We also be advise that you have to stop further communications with these imposters and forward any correspondence / proposal you receive from them to Agent Hilary M. Kieffer in other for the FBI to bring justice to those still at large.

Looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message.


Best Regards,
Mr Ronald K. Noble
From United Kingdom Interpol Headquaters



sorry for the lengthy post, but whoever wrote this is clearly a genius!
daf: (disco stu)
"brown bread and jam, isn't that distasteful?"


* and by babes i mean monika ;)
daf: (Default)
i think this guy is a genuine contender for the accolade of "most likeable politician ever."


daf: (dj)
daf: (disco stu)
there is no word in polish for retard
daf: (Default)
for those of you who thought ricky gervais was an unfunny prick...

here he is hosting the 2010 golden globes.

i guess you just gotta respect him: the man doesn't give a fuck!

daf: (quotes)
hope this video brings you as much enjoyment as you might get from spending time in some sort of cast-iron-brothel ;)

daf: (Default)



daf: (Default)

in the likely event that you were wondering about it, i spat tea over my desk on the first viewing.

also, i am all too aware this journal's been bereft of content lately... in the light of this, i do hereby solemnly swear to post something other than a funny picture before the day is done.
daf: (disco stu)
Awkward moment in the life of a deer.

My co-worker likes to hunt and has a motion activated wildlife camera he puts out in the woods to see what wildlife are in an area. The results are apparently special needs deer.
daf: (autonomous)
daf: (ruckus)
so, work has me phoning charities recruiting CFOs and whatnot for a focus group being run by another charitable organisation...

whilst on hold to the good people at ASPIRE, rather than being subjected to a 120dB assault of greensleeves, as is, i believe, mandatory from such organisations, i got to listen to coldplay's "clocks" whilst a recorded message about the charity's services was played over the top of it.

anyways, and i probably shouldn't be sharing this with people, i found one part of their message so funny i that had to hang up & choke down my laughter so as not to get in to any trouble

"what made me laugh?" i hear you thinking...

"give you child a birthday to remember with a party at ASPIRE in the pool or sports hall"


this seemingly innocuous sentence conjured up images in my head of children mentally scarred for life, paralytically phobic of wheelchairs or armbands; unable to use public transport for fear of encountering one of the "wheeled monsters" after having been subjected by mum and dad to a birthday party at cripple central.


...ok, so i'm a bad person and i'm going to hell, but if any of you so much as chuckled at that then you're coming along with me.

words

Oct. 21st, 2009 02:27 pm
daf: (Default)
so, am finally back at work again :D

although, it took me all of 15 minutes to get into trouble... apparently my bike's a health and safety risk locked to the banisters of the 2nd floor :(

was told by the receptionist to "lock it up on the turd floor"

my first thought was good god! things must've changed here quite a bit since the summer... you're not seriously telling me they've replaced the toilets 2nd floor toilets with urinals are you?!

thankfully i didn't say any of that out loud: turns out she's from t'other side of the pond

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